Lesson Three • Dangers: Little Foxes
Pastor Jayson Combs
At the beginning of 2004, my wife, Laura, and I bought our first home. She was a substitute teacher and I was a middle school student director. We were looking for a house that had walls that were not leaning. We bought our first house and then took the next three months to make it livable. Everything needed to be redone. At the time, this work was an exhausting and sometimes frustrating process. Oddly enough, nowadays we look back on those memories and both Laura and I are quite fond of the memories we were able to make.
One day, Laura mentioned wanting to have a garden. We had a sizable backyard, so I did not think too much of it and I figured I could make that request happen. The back corner of our backyard was a perfect spot; all I would have needed to do was remove one plant that was growing there. In all my life I had never seen a plant like this before. It grew in what I can best describe as stalks. It looked a little like bamboo but was way more flimsy. As I started removing this plant I realized the root system was huge. It took me days to remove most of it. The scary and frustrating part of removing this plant were a few days after I removed a sizable amount of this plant and its roots. It all started to rapidly grow back. It grew even out of the stumps that I removed from the ground. At that moment, I did what all of us do when we are trying to figure something out about anything. I Googled it. The more I read about the plant, the scarier it became. I came to find out that the plant was a “Japanese Knotweed.” One person said on an online forum, “My dad battled Japanese Knotweed for 25 years. He has passed away, but the knotweed lives on.”
I have told this story many times over the years. Just recently I had someone in the church tell me that they found out that some banks will deny mortgages on a house if the knotweed was present near the foundation of the house. The root system of this plant can wreak havoc on foundations and drain systems. It is crazy to think of the power of this little plant and the destruction that it can bring.
1. What are some small frustrations that have wreaked havoc or damaged your house?
In the Song of Solomon, we learn about something small that would cause great havoc. It is the analogy of a little fox. Song of Solomon 2:15 says, “Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that spoil the vineyards, for our vineyards are in blossom.”
Daniel Akin likens these foxes to little villains that have the potential to wreak havoc and destruction. He goes on to say that foxes “were notorious in the ancient world for damaging vineyards.” Many believe the author is relating the destruction caused by these little foxes in a vineyard to the little sins that can creep into our marriage. Again Akin says, “Solomon knows the beautiful vineyard of marriage is susceptible to destruction when littles foxes sneak in without our noticing them.” Charles Spurgeon once said, “A great sin cannot destroy a Christian, but a little sin can make him miserable.”
In this lesson, we will not come close to naming all the little foxes that can creep into marriage and destroy it, but we will take time to look at three foxes that have ruined many marriage’s vineyards.
Fox 1: The Little White Tail Fox
This may be the sneakiest of all the foxes. This is the fox that justifies sexual sin. Daniel Akin says, “It is seductive and dangerous. It will destroy your life and you won’t even see it coming. Sexual sin is appealing; it promises pleasure and happiness and can even deliver it for a little while but then it kills you. Sexual sin may cause you to walk away from God or at least redefine God as someone who is okay with your sin.”
The seductive woman in Proverbs chapter 5 says, “We will not get caught.” Yet the destruction is not only the sin of adultery, the destruction comes with a little lie. Proverbs 7:18-20 says, “Come, let us take our fill of love till morning; let us delight ourselves with love. For my husband is not at home; he has gone on a long journey; he took a bag of money with him; at full moon he will come home.”
John MacArthur points out five ways to catch the fox before it ruins the garden:
• Avoid looks. Proverbs 6:25 says, “Do not let her capture you with her eyelashes.”
2. What are ways we must protect our eyes? How can you help protect your spouse’s eyes?
• Avoid flattery. Proverbs 5:3 says, “For the lips of forbidden women drip honey.”
3. What is flattery and why is flattery so dangerous when it comes from the wrong place?
• Avoid thoughts. Proverbs 6:25 adds, “Do not desire her beauty in your heart.”
4. What are common foxes of your thought life that in the end will destroy your marriage?
• Avoid rendezvous. Proverbs 7:7-8 says, “A young man lacking sense, passing along the street near her corner.”
5. What are some places you should avoid?
• Avoid the house. Proverbs 7:25 says, “Let not your heart turn aside to her ways; do not stray into her paths.”
6. What lies are you allowing to live inside your heart?
If we do not deal with the Little White Fox and we let it hang around in the vineyard of our life it will eventually destroy the vineyard. Likewise, if we allow these lies into our marriage it is a matter of time before the vineyard of our marriage is in ruin.
Fox 2: The Red Fox
This Red Fox is an angry fox. This fox is small and quick but when you try to catch it, for some reason, this red fox does not just run away in fear, it becomes aggressive and attacks.
Ephesians 4:30-32 says, “And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
7. How would you define bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and slander?
8. How can this fox destroy the vineyard of your life?
9. How can a married couple catch the Red Fox?
Fox 3: The Quiet Fox
I cannot help but start this section by saying, “What does the fox say?” Wherever you are in life you can have fun with that nostalgia. The Quiet Fox is the one that is silent and does not communicate. If ever there was a destructive sin in a relationship, it is the sin of poor communication. We could spend months on communication but here are a few key thoughts that we must understand.
Ephesians 4:15 says, “Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ.”
10. How are we told to speak? What does truth without love look like in a marriage? What does love without truth look like? Do you struggle with one more than the other? Why?
James 1:19 says, “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.”
11. What must we do with our ears? What is one thing your spouse would say hinders your ability to hear well?
James 1:22 continues, “But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.”
12. What must we be doing with the Word of God?
Ephesians 4:29 says, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”
13. What should our communication do? What corrupt talk do you allow to hurt your communication in your marriage?
Proverbs 15:1-2 adds, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouths of fools pour out folly.”
There are only three little foxes, but we must learn to catch them. We must learn to protect the beautiful garden of our marriage.
One day, Laura mentioned wanting to have a garden. We had a sizable backyard, so I did not think too much of it and I figured I could make that request happen. The back corner of our backyard was a perfect spot; all I would have needed to do was remove one plant that was growing there. In all my life I had never seen a plant like this before. It grew in what I can best describe as stalks. It looked a little like bamboo but was way more flimsy. As I started removing this plant I realized the root system was huge. It took me days to remove most of it. The scary and frustrating part of removing this plant were a few days after I removed a sizable amount of this plant and its roots. It all started to rapidly grow back. It grew even out of the stumps that I removed from the ground. At that moment, I did what all of us do when we are trying to figure something out about anything. I Googled it. The more I read about the plant, the scarier it became. I came to find out that the plant was a “Japanese Knotweed.” One person said on an online forum, “My dad battled Japanese Knotweed for 25 years. He has passed away, but the knotweed lives on.”
I have told this story many times over the years. Just recently I had someone in the church tell me that they found out that some banks will deny mortgages on a house if the knotweed was present near the foundation of the house. The root system of this plant can wreak havoc on foundations and drain systems. It is crazy to think of the power of this little plant and the destruction that it can bring.
1. What are some small frustrations that have wreaked havoc or damaged your house?
In the Song of Solomon, we learn about something small that would cause great havoc. It is the analogy of a little fox. Song of Solomon 2:15 says, “Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that spoil the vineyards, for our vineyards are in blossom.”
Daniel Akin likens these foxes to little villains that have the potential to wreak havoc and destruction. He goes on to say that foxes “were notorious in the ancient world for damaging vineyards.” Many believe the author is relating the destruction caused by these little foxes in a vineyard to the little sins that can creep into our marriage. Again Akin says, “Solomon knows the beautiful vineyard of marriage is susceptible to destruction when littles foxes sneak in without our noticing them.” Charles Spurgeon once said, “A great sin cannot destroy a Christian, but a little sin can make him miserable.”
In this lesson, we will not come close to naming all the little foxes that can creep into marriage and destroy it, but we will take time to look at three foxes that have ruined many marriage’s vineyards.
Fox 1: The Little White Tail Fox
This may be the sneakiest of all the foxes. This is the fox that justifies sexual sin. Daniel Akin says, “It is seductive and dangerous. It will destroy your life and you won’t even see it coming. Sexual sin is appealing; it promises pleasure and happiness and can even deliver it for a little while but then it kills you. Sexual sin may cause you to walk away from God or at least redefine God as someone who is okay with your sin.”
The seductive woman in Proverbs chapter 5 says, “We will not get caught.” Yet the destruction is not only the sin of adultery, the destruction comes with a little lie. Proverbs 7:18-20 says, “Come, let us take our fill of love till morning; let us delight ourselves with love. For my husband is not at home; he has gone on a long journey; he took a bag of money with him; at full moon he will come home.”
John MacArthur points out five ways to catch the fox before it ruins the garden:
• Avoid looks. Proverbs 6:25 says, “Do not let her capture you with her eyelashes.”
2. What are ways we must protect our eyes? How can you help protect your spouse’s eyes?
• Avoid flattery. Proverbs 5:3 says, “For the lips of forbidden women drip honey.”
3. What is flattery and why is flattery so dangerous when it comes from the wrong place?
• Avoid thoughts. Proverbs 6:25 adds, “Do not desire her beauty in your heart.”
4. What are common foxes of your thought life that in the end will destroy your marriage?
• Avoid rendezvous. Proverbs 7:7-8 says, “A young man lacking sense, passing along the street near her corner.”
5. What are some places you should avoid?
• Avoid the house. Proverbs 7:25 says, “Let not your heart turn aside to her ways; do not stray into her paths.”
6. What lies are you allowing to live inside your heart?
If we do not deal with the Little White Fox and we let it hang around in the vineyard of our life it will eventually destroy the vineyard. Likewise, if we allow these lies into our marriage it is a matter of time before the vineyard of our marriage is in ruin.
Fox 2: The Red Fox
This Red Fox is an angry fox. This fox is small and quick but when you try to catch it, for some reason, this red fox does not just run away in fear, it becomes aggressive and attacks.
Ephesians 4:30-32 says, “And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
7. How would you define bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and slander?
8. How can this fox destroy the vineyard of your life?
9. How can a married couple catch the Red Fox?
Fox 3: The Quiet Fox
I cannot help but start this section by saying, “What does the fox say?” Wherever you are in life you can have fun with that nostalgia. The Quiet Fox is the one that is silent and does not communicate. If ever there was a destructive sin in a relationship, it is the sin of poor communication. We could spend months on communication but here are a few key thoughts that we must understand.
Ephesians 4:15 says, “Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ.”
10. How are we told to speak? What does truth without love look like in a marriage? What does love without truth look like? Do you struggle with one more than the other? Why?
James 1:19 says, “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.”
11. What must we do with our ears? What is one thing your spouse would say hinders your ability to hear well?
James 1:22 continues, “But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.”
12. What must we be doing with the Word of God?
Ephesians 4:29 says, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”
13. What should our communication do? What corrupt talk do you allow to hurt your communication in your marriage?
Proverbs 15:1-2 adds, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouths of fools pour out folly.”
There are only three little foxes, but we must learn to catch them. We must learn to protect the beautiful garden of our marriage.