Lesson Two • Sex: The Word vs. The World
Dr. Randy T. Johnson
“Awake, O north wind,
and come, O south wind!
Blow upon my garden,
let its spices flow.
Let my beloved come to his garden,
and eat its choicest fruits.
I came to my garden, my sister, my bride,
I gathered my myrrh with my spice,
I ate my honeycomb with my honey,
I drank my wine with my milk.”
Song of Solomon 4:16-5:1
Douglas O’Donnell writes, “In the Song of Songs sex is at the center. I mean that literally. It’s at the exact center of this Song. There are 111 lines from 1:2 to 4:15 and 111 lines from 5:2 to 8:14. So 4:16–5:1 is the centre of gravity, the heart of the Song … the central pivot around which the rest of the Song revolves, the centerpiece and crescendo. It’s about sex!”
1. Did reading this passage make you blush? Why or why not?
The Bible is very open about sex. God created sex to be beautiful, but mankind has tarnished it by worshiping the creation instead of the Creator. We need to understand that God promotes sex between one man and one woman within marriage.
2. Where are some areas where mankind has misused the gift of sex?
The Song of Solomon is a most beautiful love poem. Its powerful language should not be so spiritualized that the physical passion it describes is stripped of its delight and candor. We need not be fearful of the topic. The world does not and should not set the rules.
There are several areas where the world’s view of sex is wrong.
• First, the world states that one should follow their heart.
I think we all have heard of people “following their heart.” All too often people are in love with the concept of love. Jeremiah 17:9 says, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?” We need to trust the Lord and His Word, not our hearts and the world.
3. Where do you notice people follow their hearts without any logical consideration?
• Second, the world states, “It is my body. I can do what I want with it.”
As believers, we know this is false. In 1 Corinthians 6:18-20, we realize we are not our own, “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” When we accepted Christ as Savior, we made the decision to turn from serving ourselves to following the Lord.
4. How can we flee from sexual immorality?
• Third, the world says, “It is okay to look at the menu as long as you do not place an order.”
This is the concept that holds you can “check out” others as long as you do not take it any further. This worldly belief also likes to trick oneself into believing that pornography will not affect them. This is a slippery slope.
“I have made a covenant with my eyes; how then could I gaze at a virgin?” Job 31:1
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Matthew 5:27-28
“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” Philippians 4:8
5. How do these verses relate to the topic?
Appreciate the beauty in the one God has given you. In the Song of Solomon, the man lovingly describes his bride’s eyes, hair, teeth, lips, cheeks, and neck, and works his way down. He adores her. She completes him.
• Fourth, the world says, “You should check the teeth before buying a horse.”
I am not sure this is the most complimentary thing one can say, but this is one of the ideas behind premarital sex. Hebrews 13:4 summarizes it well, “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” This rules out threesomes, the open relationship, someone on the side, friends with benefits, and unfortunately, the list could go on.
6. What other outlandish statements have you heard concerning reasons for having sex outside of marriage?
• Fifth, the world says it is impossible to stay pure until marriage (or even in marriage).
In teaching this to teens, I would use a basketball analogy. I would tell them that the great coaches would encourage their players to miss all their free throws in practice so they would get all the misses out of their system. That way they would make them all in the game. Students would mock me (and rightly so). However, that is what the world teaches concerning sex. It is as if you can get all the sin out of your system. Instead, the Word supports the concept that discipline breeds discipline. If someone is undisciplined before marriage, why would one think that would change after marriage?
In 1 Corinthians 10:13, the Word says it is possible to stay pure, “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”
7. What are some ways to avoid falling into temptation?
• Sixth, the world says, “God wants me to be happy.”
The world wants to create God in its own image. There is this heresy that God wants us to be happy and we know how to get there. Actually, “happiness” (fulfillment, purpose, value, and meaning) come from pursuing righteousness. In 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8, we read, “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.”
8. In this passage, what is God’s will for us?
• Seventh, the world wants to hold one back by saying that if you have already sinned sexually, you should just do what you want.
God offers forgiveness. That is the message of the Bible. We sinned and broke our relationship with God. However, God sent His Son Who died for our sins (paid the price), rose again, and offers us forgiveness and life. In 1 John 1:9, we read, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
9. What should one do who has fallen sexually?
Scripture records from the earliest of times that a man and woman would leave the homes they were raised in and become one. There should be a ceremony with a celebration recognizing the unity. It is a bonding of soul mates that are coming together emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically. It is a very personal time. The Lord wants a couple to celebrate the unity.
In his commentary on the Song of Solomon, Douglas O’Donnell writes, “I want us to see that there is nothing so beautiful, continually fresh, and surprising, so full of sweet and perpetual ecstasy as love and lovemaking under the rules of our loving Maker. And I want us to see this in the light of the leprous nature of lust, the way the world so often thinks about sex today.”
Finally, sex should not drive us from God (or become our god), it should point us to God. The world has us worship ourselves and we can never fulfill that void alone. The splendor of the marriage bed should help us realize that only God can bring a loving relationship. Douglas O’Donnell adds, “Christianity seeks to destroy in our hearts the idea of sex as a god and erects in its place the understanding that sex is a blessing from and a bridge to God.” He later adds, “God gave us sex to arouse and satisfy a hunger for intimacy. Sexuality arouses a desire for union. Sexual consummation satisfies the desire, but it also mysteriously creates a hunger for more - not only for more sex, but also for a taste of ultimate union, the final reconciliation with God.”
10. What areas in your life do you need to submit to the Lord? Have you given your life to the Lord?
“So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.” 2 Timothy 2:22
and come, O south wind!
Blow upon my garden,
let its spices flow.
Let my beloved come to his garden,
and eat its choicest fruits.
I came to my garden, my sister, my bride,
I gathered my myrrh with my spice,
I ate my honeycomb with my honey,
I drank my wine with my milk.”
Song of Solomon 4:16-5:1
Douglas O’Donnell writes, “In the Song of Songs sex is at the center. I mean that literally. It’s at the exact center of this Song. There are 111 lines from 1:2 to 4:15 and 111 lines from 5:2 to 8:14. So 4:16–5:1 is the centre of gravity, the heart of the Song … the central pivot around which the rest of the Song revolves, the centerpiece and crescendo. It’s about sex!”
1. Did reading this passage make you blush? Why or why not?
The Bible is very open about sex. God created sex to be beautiful, but mankind has tarnished it by worshiping the creation instead of the Creator. We need to understand that God promotes sex between one man and one woman within marriage.
2. Where are some areas where mankind has misused the gift of sex?
The Song of Solomon is a most beautiful love poem. Its powerful language should not be so spiritualized that the physical passion it describes is stripped of its delight and candor. We need not be fearful of the topic. The world does not and should not set the rules.
There are several areas where the world’s view of sex is wrong.
• First, the world states that one should follow their heart.
I think we all have heard of people “following their heart.” All too often people are in love with the concept of love. Jeremiah 17:9 says, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?” We need to trust the Lord and His Word, not our hearts and the world.
3. Where do you notice people follow their hearts without any logical consideration?
• Second, the world states, “It is my body. I can do what I want with it.”
As believers, we know this is false. In 1 Corinthians 6:18-20, we realize we are not our own, “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” When we accepted Christ as Savior, we made the decision to turn from serving ourselves to following the Lord.
4. How can we flee from sexual immorality?
• Third, the world says, “It is okay to look at the menu as long as you do not place an order.”
This is the concept that holds you can “check out” others as long as you do not take it any further. This worldly belief also likes to trick oneself into believing that pornography will not affect them. This is a slippery slope.
“I have made a covenant with my eyes; how then could I gaze at a virgin?” Job 31:1
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Matthew 5:27-28
“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” Philippians 4:8
5. How do these verses relate to the topic?
Appreciate the beauty in the one God has given you. In the Song of Solomon, the man lovingly describes his bride’s eyes, hair, teeth, lips, cheeks, and neck, and works his way down. He adores her. She completes him.
• Fourth, the world says, “You should check the teeth before buying a horse.”
I am not sure this is the most complimentary thing one can say, but this is one of the ideas behind premarital sex. Hebrews 13:4 summarizes it well, “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” This rules out threesomes, the open relationship, someone on the side, friends with benefits, and unfortunately, the list could go on.
6. What other outlandish statements have you heard concerning reasons for having sex outside of marriage?
• Fifth, the world says it is impossible to stay pure until marriage (or even in marriage).
In teaching this to teens, I would use a basketball analogy. I would tell them that the great coaches would encourage their players to miss all their free throws in practice so they would get all the misses out of their system. That way they would make them all in the game. Students would mock me (and rightly so). However, that is what the world teaches concerning sex. It is as if you can get all the sin out of your system. Instead, the Word supports the concept that discipline breeds discipline. If someone is undisciplined before marriage, why would one think that would change after marriage?
In 1 Corinthians 10:13, the Word says it is possible to stay pure, “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”
7. What are some ways to avoid falling into temptation?
• Sixth, the world says, “God wants me to be happy.”
The world wants to create God in its own image. There is this heresy that God wants us to be happy and we know how to get there. Actually, “happiness” (fulfillment, purpose, value, and meaning) come from pursuing righteousness. In 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8, we read, “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.”
8. In this passage, what is God’s will for us?
• Seventh, the world wants to hold one back by saying that if you have already sinned sexually, you should just do what you want.
God offers forgiveness. That is the message of the Bible. We sinned and broke our relationship with God. However, God sent His Son Who died for our sins (paid the price), rose again, and offers us forgiveness and life. In 1 John 1:9, we read, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
9. What should one do who has fallen sexually?
Scripture records from the earliest of times that a man and woman would leave the homes they were raised in and become one. There should be a ceremony with a celebration recognizing the unity. It is a bonding of soul mates that are coming together emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically. It is a very personal time. The Lord wants a couple to celebrate the unity.
In his commentary on the Song of Solomon, Douglas O’Donnell writes, “I want us to see that there is nothing so beautiful, continually fresh, and surprising, so full of sweet and perpetual ecstasy as love and lovemaking under the rules of our loving Maker. And I want us to see this in the light of the leprous nature of lust, the way the world so often thinks about sex today.”
Finally, sex should not drive us from God (or become our god), it should point us to God. The world has us worship ourselves and we can never fulfill that void alone. The splendor of the marriage bed should help us realize that only God can bring a loving relationship. Douglas O’Donnell adds, “Christianity seeks to destroy in our hearts the idea of sex as a god and erects in its place the understanding that sex is a blessing from and a bridge to God.” He later adds, “God gave us sex to arouse and satisfy a hunger for intimacy. Sexuality arouses a desire for union. Sexual consummation satisfies the desire, but it also mysteriously creates a hunger for more - not only for more sex, but also for a taste of ultimate union, the final reconciliation with God.”
10. What areas in your life do you need to submit to the Lord? Have you given your life to the Lord?
“So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.” 2 Timothy 2:22