Lesson Five • God's Design in Marriage
Pastor Roy Townsend + Keaton Washburn
Once I (Roy) became a homeowner and I had to start doing repairs, it became very clear to me that many of my home’s systems were inter-connected. There was an overall design. There is a system in place, and often I was hurrying to get a project completed, but then would have to tear out the newly completed work because I forgot to run electricity to that wall, or forgot to run a plumbing lead, or had to wreck something that I had just put in. It became very discouraging because I did not have a good grasp of the overall design and interconnectedness of the systems in the home. I can tell you that it is easier to complete the projects when you understand the overall designs for the project. Well, as we enter the family month with our study of Song of Solomon (Song of Songs), we want to be clear on the designs for marriage within the context of Scripture.
1. Did you ever get into a house project where you did not understand the design or interconnectedness of the project? Please explain what happened.
2. If you were asked what are God’s designs or desires for marriage, what would you list?
Song of Songs points us back to Genesis chapters 1-2 to see the original designs of marriage, but also points us forward to the marriage relationship depicted in the New Testament. Many of us know that marriage is a gift and a mystery that has a design.
Genesis 2:23-24 reads, “Then the man said, ‘This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.’ Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
Further, Ephesians 5:21-33 reads, “Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”
3. Do you think these descriptions from Scripture can be lived out in a modern marriage?
4. How would you describe your parent’s marriage? Are they still married?
5. Does your parent’s marriage reflect these verses? What is similar to these verses? What looks different about your parent’s marriage?
Kaiser states, “The Song of Songs is not a modern novel, nor is it a poem of love; instead, it is the Word of God proclaiming the beauty and purity of the marital experience in his master plan.” However, how do we explain that King Solomon, as wise as he was, is the author who praises and teaches one man and one woman in an exclusive emotional and sexual relationship? We wonder about 1 Kings 11:2-3, “From the nations concerning which the Lord had said to the people of Israel, ‘You shall not enter into marriage with them, neither shall they with you, for surely they will turn away your heart after their gods.’ Solomon clung to these in love. He had 700 wives, who were princesses, and 300 concubines. And his wives turned away his heart.” It is because of this, we know that King Solomon mostly likely wrote the Song of Songs to be the ideal or correct example of what God intended for marriage. God’s intent is for marriage to last in a close relationship like no other.
6. Is God’s intention today for marriage to last a lifetime? Why?
7. What does culture tell us about marriage? How is it different than God’s design?
In Song of Songs 2:16, we read, “My beloved is mine, and I am his; he grazes among the lilies.” This Scripture is the wife speaking about her husband. This level of assuredness in her position speaks loudly to the design being that marriages need to be centered on intimacy, commitment, and exclusivity. In verse 4, it reads, “He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love.” This might seem like strange wording, but the wife’s feeling of commitment, intimacy, and exclusivity is so strong that there is a flag carried around above her that says, “Love.” He is mine! I am his!
In addition, Song of Songs presents marriage as a word picture or forecast of the marriage to come where the church will be married to Christ. Remember Ephesians 5:32, “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.” Akin writes, “The Song of Songs is to be read and preached in light of the entire biblical canon and through the lens of Ephesians 5:31–32, where we learn marriage is a mystery that ‘refers to Christ and the Church.’ It is through Christ that justified sinners find their home in a new Promised Land. The Song of Songs really does point forward to Christ.” Just like the wife in the Song of Songs holds onto the love of a husband with such intimacy, commitment, and exclusivity, so too, nothing can separate us from the love of Christ Jesus our Lord. In Romans 8:37-39 we read, “No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
8. Why is it important for a husband and wife to only be committed to each other? Why did God design it that way?
9. How is marriage a symbol of God and His church?
10. Do you believe that God’s love for you is unconditional and for eternity? How does that truth change the way you view yourself?
1. Did you ever get into a house project where you did not understand the design or interconnectedness of the project? Please explain what happened.
2. If you were asked what are God’s designs or desires for marriage, what would you list?
Song of Songs points us back to Genesis chapters 1-2 to see the original designs of marriage, but also points us forward to the marriage relationship depicted in the New Testament. Many of us know that marriage is a gift and a mystery that has a design.
Genesis 2:23-24 reads, “Then the man said, ‘This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.’ Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
Further, Ephesians 5:21-33 reads, “Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”
3. Do you think these descriptions from Scripture can be lived out in a modern marriage?
4. How would you describe your parent’s marriage? Are they still married?
5. Does your parent’s marriage reflect these verses? What is similar to these verses? What looks different about your parent’s marriage?
Kaiser states, “The Song of Songs is not a modern novel, nor is it a poem of love; instead, it is the Word of God proclaiming the beauty and purity of the marital experience in his master plan.” However, how do we explain that King Solomon, as wise as he was, is the author who praises and teaches one man and one woman in an exclusive emotional and sexual relationship? We wonder about 1 Kings 11:2-3, “From the nations concerning which the Lord had said to the people of Israel, ‘You shall not enter into marriage with them, neither shall they with you, for surely they will turn away your heart after their gods.’ Solomon clung to these in love. He had 700 wives, who were princesses, and 300 concubines. And his wives turned away his heart.” It is because of this, we know that King Solomon mostly likely wrote the Song of Songs to be the ideal or correct example of what God intended for marriage. God’s intent is for marriage to last in a close relationship like no other.
6. Is God’s intention today for marriage to last a lifetime? Why?
7. What does culture tell us about marriage? How is it different than God’s design?
In Song of Songs 2:16, we read, “My beloved is mine, and I am his; he grazes among the lilies.” This Scripture is the wife speaking about her husband. This level of assuredness in her position speaks loudly to the design being that marriages need to be centered on intimacy, commitment, and exclusivity. In verse 4, it reads, “He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love.” This might seem like strange wording, but the wife’s feeling of commitment, intimacy, and exclusivity is so strong that there is a flag carried around above her that says, “Love.” He is mine! I am his!
In addition, Song of Songs presents marriage as a word picture or forecast of the marriage to come where the church will be married to Christ. Remember Ephesians 5:32, “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.” Akin writes, “The Song of Songs is to be read and preached in light of the entire biblical canon and through the lens of Ephesians 5:31–32, where we learn marriage is a mystery that ‘refers to Christ and the Church.’ It is through Christ that justified sinners find their home in a new Promised Land. The Song of Songs really does point forward to Christ.” Just like the wife in the Song of Songs holds onto the love of a husband with such intimacy, commitment, and exclusivity, so too, nothing can separate us from the love of Christ Jesus our Lord. In Romans 8:37-39 we read, “No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
8. Why is it important for a husband and wife to only be committed to each other? Why did God design it that way?
9. How is marriage a symbol of God and His church?
10. Do you believe that God’s love for you is unconditional and for eternity? How does that truth change the way you view yourself?